The beloved First Date! The pure potential, openness, novelty, and spontaneity of a first-date are all highly appealing. The rush of excitement and anticipation are like no other. I love First Dates and in fact, I’ve been on a lot of them. The following ten tips are meant to help you decide to either shorten or prolong the First Date, depending on your experience. Who knows, you might be looking for a second date or a quick escape out the back door.
Strategies to Prolong a First Date
You’re totally into this person, but you’re not sure if he/she feels the same way. Why does he keep looking at his watch? Why is she so quiet? Don’t panic. Take a deep breath and try these methods.
- Adapt to their body language & their speech
If your date is crossing their arms, check to see if you’re subconsciously giving off signals that you’re closed off. Likewise, if he/she giving you positive signals such as leaning close, then you lean closer. It’s an interesting and effective skill to mirror your date’s behavior. If they start touching your arm when they laugh, smile & reciprocate. Alikeness breeds familiarity and familiarity fosters attraction. Stay subtle and please…keep it classy.
- Pick an exciting venue for the date
The goal of a first date is to get to know someone but also have fun. When you pick a venue that provides interactive opportunities, yet supports conversation, it’s easier to break the nervous feeling and just relax into it. Some ideas for a First Date could be things like bowling, hiking, painting, or rock climbing. You might also consider some live music, karaoke, the comedy club, museums, old antique gift shops, or even a cozy café. Keep it simple and open for interaction.
- Focus on how you’re alike, NOT the same
Look for what you both have in common and maintain your authentic views on the subject. It is critically important that you have a unique opinion about what you have in common. For example, maybe you both have a passion for great music. That’s fantastic and a great way to build a solid foundation. As the discussion goes on, express the types of music you like, your favorite bands, artists, etc. Stay authentic and please limit saying things like, “OMG!!!! ME TOO!!!” Agreeing with exactly everything your date says makes you appear to lack personality. I know it’s exciting when you find the rare person who is exactly like you, however, let’s keep that locked away for a moment. Have fun with the date, flirt, and joke with each other. Just be yourself!
- Confident Flattery
Flattery is an incredible tool and will add major brownie points when used correctly. You have to be confident and genuine in your complement. For example, “You’re so smart!” “Guys in uniform are so sexy.” “You have such a great laugh.” Something simple that is heartfelt yet not offensive.
- Live in the Moment
If you become too pre-occupied with making a killer first impression or over analyzing every move of your date, you’ll lose track of the present moment. Go into the date as if you were meeting an acquaintance of your best friend. Imagine you already have their pre-approval (they are your “best friend’s friend” after all). Tell that little self-critic in your head to take the night off. Relax, be yourself and you’ll truly be present to enjoy the date, no matter the outcome.
Shortcuts to End a First Date
Alternatively, you might encounter a disaster of a first-date, and you can’t wait to get out of there. These situations can happen for a number of reasons and just remember, it’s ok…we’ve all been there. Here’s what I found to be most effective in ending a date early.
- Arrive late
This is assuming that you already are not looking forward to a date with this person. Being late any more than 15 minutes will leave a bad impression. If your date forgives you quickly, then it’s going to take way more for him/her to budge.
- Be non-engaging
Only talk about things you want to talk about and keep it one-sided. Of course, be polite, but engagement/active listening should be on a minimal level. Strong boring topics that exude non-interest may include: weather, grass, trees, plates, laundry, pencils…you get the idea.
- Go Dutch
Turn that traditional pay set-up on its head. If you’re not into your date, go Dutch. However, when neither party has any expectations on billing etiquette, this might not be as effective.
- Pull out a “Red-flag”
Depending on how the magnitude of the date, you might want to use this sparingly. You need to balance this idea, as you don’t want to come across as a total lunatic. Just reveal something about yourself that isn’t incredibly appealing but not jarringly horrendous. Keep it simple and seemingly innocent. Any of these standard remarks could be readily used: “My ex…(anything)” or “You remind me of my ex.”
- Plan a backup intervention
This should only be used as a last resort. To deliberately end a date, you can come up with an excuse of an either urgent or unexpected significant event that requires your immediate attention. “My shift starts in 30 minutes.” “I promised I’d meet my friend for her birthday.” “I have to commute.” Avoid clichés like “I need to feed my dog” or overly dramatic scenarios like, “My cousin’s grandmother’s grand aunt is getting a CAT scan for her Alzheimers.” The more truth in your excuse, the better off you will be.
These tips are incredibly powerful, so please use them responsibly! Good luck everyone!
Love & Happiness Always!